ML - Michigan Avenue

2013 - Issue 6 - October

Michigan Avenue - Niche Media - Michigan Avenue magazine is a luxury lifestyle magazine centered around Chicago’s finest people, events, fashion, health & beauty, fine dining & more!

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Lipstick on a Parking Meter WITH CHICAGO'S 75-YEAR PARKING METER DEAL AN INESCAPABLE REALITY, WE'RE LOOKING AT THE BRIGHT SIDE TO DETERMINE HOW THE CITY MIGHT BRING IN SOME MUCH-NEEDED EXTRA CASH. BY PAT MCGANN A Onward! 152 PHOTOGRAPHY BY DANIEL O'LEARY h, parking in the city. As convenient as it would be if valets were stationed at every boîte, boutique, and CVS in Chicago, sometimes meter parking is unavoidable. And now, thanks to our city's infamous 75-year deal with Chicago Parking Meters, our cars now overflow with tiny parking receipts. These little reminders have infested my glove compartment and center console, and they are starting to pop up everywhere. The other day one fell to the floor of the shower while I was washing my hair. Instead of lambasting the deal, though, I have decided to embrace it—and I challenge all of you to do the same. Walk out your doors, find a meter box, and give it a hug. As you wrap your arms around the meter, think about the $1.2 billion the city squeezed from them. Once you reach this point of welcoming the raw meter deal, you will realize the same thing I have: We have more to sell. Herein lies my plan. Yes, like Daniel Burnham, I have a plan. Sure, it isn't as well developed or as researched as the great mustachioed urban planner would have liked. However, it does have a little "magic" and is certain to "stir men's blood." My idea: Let's put all of our city possessions on the table. If we act fast, we can shore up the budget and avoid becoming the next Detroit. And if you think we're not close to becoming the next Detroit, how would you explain the alarming number of Stanley Cups we've won recently? I say we begin with assets we barely use. Like the Chicago River. Hear me out on this. When was the last time you were actually in the river? We've sold the meters, the Skyway, the parking garages—I say let's unload this Asian Carp swimming hole. I've already written the ad, and it's ready for print: ***WOW*** L@@K RARELY USED RIVER FOR SALE // BEST OFFER Lightly used, slightly blue, mostly green river in great Chicago location. Decent condition, but flows backward. Perfect location for fur-trading. Owner must agree to not flood downtown buildings. Will meet potential buyer near main branch Mon–Fri (bring $ for parking meters). I know it's tough and there's an emotional attachment, but where you see a beautiful body of water that symbolizes the vitality and history of our Midwest existence, I see dollars. I'm sure the new owner would let the Wendellas continue to cruise around (for a fee) and maintain an architecture tour; meanwhile, Chicago's bank account gets an extra comma. I also see other revenue streams via rental fees. Why not rent photo space on the Crown Fountains in Millennium Park? The same boring faces pursing their lips have gotten old. Let's charge a fee for Chicagoans to post their Facebook pictures on those waterworks. How about Soldier Field? Fanatics spend good money on Bears loofahs. Yes, the things you wash yourself with. Who wouldn't want their stadium? Heck, maybe even sell it to... the Bears? We have hundreds of firehouses around town. Obviously we cannot sell our beloved Fire Department. We could, however, monetize their facilities. I suggest teaching pole dancing for a fee. You'd have bachelorette parties lined up all over town. These ideas are obviously still in the conceptual stages, but I see them as viable options. I bet many of you are thinking: What about a casino? No. Casinos have free parking, and in this town, that will simply never happen. MA MICHIGANAVEMAG.COM 152-MA_BOB_GoldCoasting_October13.indd 152 9/19/13 11:26 AM

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