ML - Vegas Magazine

opposite page: Black wool waistcoat ($920) and black wool pants ($800), Dior Homme. The Shops at Crystals, 702-597- 0941; diorhomme.com. White shirt, Giorgio Armani ($450). Via Bellagio, 702-893-8327; armani.com. Patterned tie, Emporio Armani ($195). The Forum Shops at Caesars, 702-650-5200; armani.com opposite page, center: Suit ($1,350) and French cuff shirt, Emporio Armani ($395). The Forum Shops at Caesars, 702-650-5200; armani.com. Tie, stylist's own Digital photo assistant: Lee Wall Photo assistants: Embry Lopez and Brandon Smith Sittings editor: Danielle Yadegar Stylist: Gaelle Paul for Walter Schupfer Management Grooming: Sylvia Viau-Kistler for Cloutier Remix Those shows were the glor y days. [Sopranos actor] Steve Schirripa was my manager at the R iviera—he worked at t he hotel back t hen. I remember t hat he a lways sa id I looked like a g irl! A nd I'm no Celine Dion, but I did prett y well. I f illed t he room up decent ly. I f you could see a cla ssic L a s Vega s act from t he past , who would it be? Elvis, hands down. I grew up watching his specials—my mom loved him, so the whole family would watch them. Where do you go in town t hese days? I ca n't go to t he clubs or t he pools a ny more—t he pool has tur ned into t he club now—I'm too old for t hat. The great thing is that all the hotels have the best restaurants now, so I'll eat dinner there, do the show, and then I just tap out. [Pause] I can't really go out into the casino any- more. You k now, it used to be autog raphs —t hat 's how old I a m: People would just a sk for a n autog raph. But now it's selfies. And the thing about selfies is that before you k now it , someone ha s you in, like, a headlock a nd you're going, "W hat? W hat's going on—?" A nd t hen it's done, t hey've t a ken t he self ie, a nd you're lef t going, "W hat just happened?" Is playing Vegas easier or harder t han doing a g ig in, say, Chicago? I have to say that audiences here are pretty great. Some people say t hat Vega s is most ly old people, but t hat 's cha nged so much in t he past decade or so —it's younger people most ly. I get a nice m ix: people who k now me from Saturday Night Live or Rules of Engagement or Grown Ups, a lt hough a lot of t hose people have no idea t hat I even do st a nd-up. Will t here be a Grown Ups 3? I'm sure, yea h. They're w r it ing it now. I t hink it's going to be set in the winter this time and I'm getting married. That's what I've hea rd a ny way, but we'll see. Spea king of which: W hy are you st ill on t he road doing one-night g ig s when you could be sit t ing back, cashing g iant TV syndicat ion checks? I'm actually waiting on some Rules of Engagement checks right now! [Laughs] I like stand-up—it got me here, it got me on SNL. A nd it 's st ill f un. A nd it 's st ill ha rd, but I want to keep up with the other comedians. I like watch- ing t hem, a nd I get rea lly jea lous when t hey're good. A nd at least I st ill have some dr ive—I'm not phoning it in. St a nd-up keeps you on your toes. I imag ine it's been ages since you bombed? Not like I did when I started out, but I bomb pretty hard every few months. [Pause] I bombed hard in Vegas, actu- ally, for a charity event. They had all these tables set up and it was black tie, which is usually hard. Before I went up, they had this 12-year-old girl onstage, some phenom singer, and this girl sings "I Will Always Love You" and gets a standing ovation! So I'm walking out and she's com- ing off, and out of jealousy I say to her, "Hey, you'll get 'em next time!" And then to add insult to injury, when I'm coming off, and it did not go well, Ray Romano, who's going on after me, says, "You did good!" And I say, "Ray, no one's listening. The audience is too far back. It's just bad." And then from beginning to end, he crushes! [Laughs] It was so embarrassing. You've worked wit h a lot of famous people. Well, I g uess t hat's t r ue, a nd I ca n safely say t hat I don't have too ma ny coworkers or exes t hat hate me... Since you brought it up: You've romanced some cel- ebrated beauties, like Pam Anderson, Heather Locklear, Julie Bowen. Have you found it's more dif- ficult to date someone in the business, or is it easier? I t hink you just date who you like. Somet imes I meet a n act ress who's super- cool, a nd somet imes I meet a wa it - ress who's super- cool. The ha rd pa r t is gett ing t hem to like you back. There's pluses a nd minuses eit her way. Considering your ma ny years of experience, what's your answer to t he age-old quest ion "What do women want?" Um… I've had some exper ience but I'm no exper t. Okay, I t hink if you're not a good-look ing dude, t hen you have to be interest ing—t hat's my a ngle! A nd now I realize interesting is too hard. I still don't have it figured out. I'm probably no better at it now than I was 20 years ago. Relationships are so complex. I mean, it's a terrible thing to say, but I wouldn't want to be in most marriages t hat I see. I t hink, st ay in it for a s long a s it works, you k now? L ike, g ive it a yea r to t r y to tur n t hings a round, not 10 yea rs. TV's been very good to you. Will we be seeing you on t he small screen again soon? I'm w r it ing one now w it h a buddy, a nd I didn't rea lize how spoiled I wa s. W hen you st a r t f rom scratch your - self, you have to put in a good year and a half developing it. I want to do it for cable; it's more of an R-rated show— not dirty, just a little rougher than network. I would play myself, a version of myself, a nd I'm gett ing older a nd I had a hea lt h sca re a nd have to t ur n my whole life a round. It 's fa ke but it 's a f unny prem ise. It 's a crap - shoot. We'll see what happens. You recent ly hit t he ha lf-cent ur y mark yourself. How did you celebrate? I decided to go under t he rada r because I was gett ing too old. So I just had a dinner, but t hen a fr iend made a cra zy 25 -minute v ideo t hat was rea lly fun. There were a ll t hese people on it—my fa mily, people from Rules of Engagement a nd Just Shoot Me!, even Elton John! Oh my God, I sound like such a na me- dropper. I just rea lized t hat. [ But] it was so sweet. It closed w it h Brad Pitt , Mira nda Ker r, Jennifer A niston…. By t he way, I'll be selling copies in t he lobby after each show. For tickets, call 702-792-7777 or visit mirage.com.   V "Back then, I had to stay at, lIk e, the el chuck a shack a. I'm no celIne dIon, But I dId pretty well." vegasmagazine.com  91

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